The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hey Morbidly Obese Albert! Do you want to buy some chocolate?”
“Can’t have any chocolate. Doctor said he will have to take my foot on the account of my diabetes.”
“Look on the bright side, you’ll get all your shoes half off!”
“Ha ha ha! Okay, I’ll have some.”
*Morbidly Obese Albert grabs all of the chocolate in the box with his hand all at the same time and shoves them into his mouth*

 

[Yoshi155]

Mom has made so many sacrifices for us that it’s time we give up something for her. I’ll stop buying Malibu Stacy clothing.

And I’ll take up smoking and give that up.

Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. Have a dollar.

But he didn’t do anything.

Didn’t he, Lisa? Didn’t he? …hey, wait a minute, he didn’t! *snatches back the dollar*

 

[QueenCobra]

“Hey, Patrick, I thought of something funnier than 24.”
“Let me hear it.”
“25!”