Honestly what's bothering me today is the lack of wanting to socialize with people.
(It's a little long but I can't put it in a spoiler when on my phone because everything is grayed out on mobile and has been for a while.)
Like, it's not a big deal to be around people for a little bit, but when you don't feel good(tired, hurting, or just mentally exhausted whatever), you just don't want to deal with all the stupid small talk. Or have things last for hours and hours. Or listen to some circus story repeat itself for the 20th time that could be solve via x x or x and make the person's quality of life so much better/easier. And the solutions not being bad either. But then maybe they wouldn't have anything to talk about idk.
It bothers me, because humans are "suppose to be social" but I'm fine not being social. It's like where is the issue? Are they purposefully being shallow or trying to be social when they aren't, or am I just an ass lol? Maybe both?
Basically I stayed home from church today because I don't feel up to dealing with people in person today. I also didn't want to be pestered about doing things I shouldn't be doing either. I didn't want to sit at a table for 2 hours waiting for service to start listening to people talk about the oddest things or thier feelings I can't grasp because i feel different about stuff i guess, or just small talk of hi how are you without expecting a real answer so why even ask, because volunteers for different things are required to be there ridiculously early even though their task could be done 30 min before service. I assume because they want people in these little classes that are more conversational about various topics rather than the lecture style most people think of on a Sunday morning which is later. I would much rather attend those little discussion things on a different day tbh.
My bumps I got this week was hurting horribly last night even when not on my feet and still this morning if I'm standing/walking.
It's like when I worked, I just wanted to go in and do my job, not tell my life story to everyone all the time even though they would get upset sometimes because I didn't want to talk all the time or do after work social crap. (I also don't like dwelling on stuff so that may be part of that too) I was hired for x so, I need to get x done while doing my best. I'm tired. I did 3 miles worth of steps on stairs. The cartilage in my knee is messed up. I'm suppose to be working less hours via doc orders but wasn't because it isn't realistic at the time. I just want to go home. But I'm a bad person for feeling this way about socializing.
Or, you know my favorite is I put genuine effort into socializing and it isn't enough and more is demanded.
Is it bad that I think a lot of the time people just want you to do stuff all the time for them? Or do they really just need a therapist and not a common person to talk to? Like what's wrong with meeting some place to eat together or meet at the house watch a movie and then part ways when done? Is that really too cold of an interaction?
I can't tell you how many times family pitched a fit over "never seeing anyone" and I suggest we meet up at a halfway point between us at a restaurant and eat together without even having a special occasion being the reason and they basically insinuate that it isn't good enough. Then why the **** are you complaining? Some of the best discussion happens when you do stuff together, not forced socialization time. But maybe I have a problem even if it is smaller in scale than some of this stuff I'm running into idk.